T.T. also stands for Tummy Troubles

One of the worst parts about getting older is no longer having an iron stomach.  Growing up with my dad's cooking and eating all the greasy pre-packaged goodness while living in my sorority house and chugging a keg's worth of beer meant you had to have a stomach of steel.  However, after graduating college and moving out of my parents house,  my tummy has decided to become one of my worst enemies.    I've gone from eating every last morsel of yummy fried goodness to having to watch what I eat in fear my estomago will scream out "Viva la Revolution" in public.

Bridesmaids

Lets be honest for a minute, everyone has had a moment similar to that wonderful scene in the movie Bridesmaids where Maya Rudolf's character is running down a busy street in a full on wedding dress.  This may be TMI but mine always happens after I eat at Pei Wei.  UGH I just want some spicy noodles in my life!  Having these problems and being female is the WORST.  When men hit the shitter, there's no surprise whats going to happen there and they let it rip.  Heck, at work you see men walking into the restrooms with reading material in hand.  Women on the other hand are very poop shy. While my husband has no problem walking in the bathroom and taking a dump while I'm getting ready, even the idea of him walking in on me pooping makes me more uncomfortable than a wool sweater in the summer.

I miss working in my old office in Tampa.  We had one bathroom per sex, so no one really knew what you were doing in there besides the fine aroma of Febreeze that followed.  However, when I moved to Richmond, I had go back in my mental file to remember my pile of tricks dealing with pooping in public.  Living in a sorority house is a wonderful place of knowledge when it comes to this stuff.  So here ladies is my list of how to *discretely* do it:

1.  Try to train your body to go at times when the restroom is normally empty.  At my office its between 8:30 and 10 and at lunchtime.

2.  Place some toilet paper in the bowl before you start, it really helps muffle the "plopping" sound

3.  Lift your legs when pooping so no one can see your shoes and figure out who's doing what

4.  Wait until the lady next to you flushes or washes their hands.

5.  If you're in an office building, go to one of the other floors where no one knows who you are.

6.  Always keep Imodium, GasEx, and Tums in your purse.

However if its really a bad one, just let it go.  Yes its mortifying but EVERYONE has been in your shoes. We'll just run out of there as fast as we can.